Nov 14
Have you ever sat down and thought about Genesis 1? Like truly thought about it, not just "Oh, God created the world in 6 days." Well, my youth group has been studying how big God is, and the thing we focused on last Wednesday was Genesis 1. Did you know that God created light before He created anything to make light? Did you know that on at least one occasion, He refers to Himself as "we"? What's up wth that? God created the heavens and the earth! We don't even know how big the heavens are!!! Yet, we are the center of it all. That just blows my mind away. We matter more to God than any of the things on the earth or in the heavens! Jesus said that if God knows everything about a nearly worthless sparrow, how much more does He know and care about us? He even says that He knows the hairs on our head (which is not only cool, but kinda creepy...)! That's crazy! God is really big!
Nov 14
On Wednesday, my youth pastor mentioned that he really liked this song when it came on, and I kind of liked it. So, being the Limewire user that I am, I found it on Limewire and downloaded it. I LOVE IT! It's the type of music that I listen to and I think Jared Anderson is going to go far in his career (hopefully!). He is an incredible writer and singer and I love what I ahve heard of his music. I wish the radio stations would play this song! I'll post the lyrics to get you interested :)
"Glorified" by Jared Anderson
Praise belongs to You
Let every kingdom bow
Let every ocean roar
Let every heart adore You now
Praise belongs to You
What can I do but sing
The greatest joy I've found
Is to lay a crown before my King
Before my King
I've come to worship
I've come to lift up Your Name
For You deserve this
Life laid down like the One that You gave
I have but one voice
One heart and one sacrifice
So would You take this
Life laid down
And be glorified
Be glorified
Praise belongs to You
Let songs of children rise
You silence all Your foes
You set Your Glory in the skies
Praise belongs to You
Creation's calling out
For the King to be revealed
Oh, King of heaven come down
Oh, King of heaven come down
'Cause I've come to worship
I've come to lift up Your Name
For You deserve this
Life laid down like the One that You gave
I have but one voice
One heart and one sacrifice
So would You take this
Life laid down
And be glorified
Be glorified
Be glorified
Be glorified
Be glorified
I've come to worship
I've come to lift up Your Name
For You deserve this
Life laid down like the One that You gave
I have but one voice
One heart and one sacrifice
So would You take this
Life laid down
And be glorified
Nov 12
I just jumped into my youth pastor's van (don't you love the things your youth pastor will permit as long as you don't die?) while it was moving and the side door was open! It was so awesome! He claims he didn't think I would really do it, but it was really fun. No, I would not do it again, once was enough, but it's really awesome to be a movie star for a second. The adrenaline pumping through my veins during the half of a second I was in the air, not knowing for sure if I was actually going to make it though the door was crazy to feel. I didn't even get seriously hurt, but my back kinda aches since I landed on the floor of the van on my back. It'll feel better tomorrow...hopefully...
Nov 9
I feel so frustrated right now. Why can't I do what I truly want? And the times I can speak up, I remain quiet. I too quickly change the subject, for fear of offending people, or revealing too much of my emotional self, or any number of other excuses...And I remain silent. I let the opportunity pass, thinking I'll do it next time, knowing (and hopeing) secretly that there may never be a next time. They walk away, either from the conversation, or eventually my life, without the change I promised Him I would give them. And I am left feeling frustrated, sad, and angry over missed opportunities. My friends think I'm perfect, that this should be the easiest thing in the world for me to do, but it's the hardest, too hard for me, and I cry when I think about the possibility I passed up, about the doom that I sentenced my friends to. Instead, I enjoy this life in secret, in a building somewhere that some people don't know exists. I think if I could only do something to change this generation, to make it better, I would without a doubt, but the only thing that I know will really change anything is hidden away inside of my heart, a heart firmly hidden beneath my walls of fear and worry about their thoughts and my weaknesses. What if they don't like it? What if they already know, but don't live it? What if they have never heard? What if it's all my responsibility? What if I am sending them to hell with my inactivity? How do I help myself? Where do I go from here? How can I change me and by changing me, change them? How do you want me to do this, God? Because I'm lost and helpless and blind, and I don't want them to know. I don't know anything at all. If I did, this wouldn't happen, I wouldn't ignore the Call and ignore You! Thank You for putting up with me and my hard heart with it's immovable resolutions. I am so wrong, yet You have chosen me, although I yet don't understand why. Thank You.
Nov 9
"And all You ever do,
Is change the old for new"
have been thinking about songs and what some of them truly mean lately. Like this one, where another part of the song goes, "God is bigger than the air I breathe, the world we'll leave. God will save will save the day and all will say my Glorious". I have never before thought about what that really means, and even if I really believed that is true. Of couse, there are times I doubt, there are times everyone doubs, but did I ever believe that God is big enough to save the day to begin with? Was there something to doubt, or did I just never accept this to be true?
And this is just one example! There are countless times that I (and I'm sure you, too) sing songs without thinking about what they mean, or what I'm saying. What words have I muttered to God without anything behind them? I don't know.
Another one that was brought to my attention recently was one I learned as a little child and it goes "He's got the whole world in His Hands." Wow! How big is our God??? And we wonder if He understands or even cares! Why else would He be holding the world??? Why else would we be the center of everything in the universe???
I guess the thing I'm trying to stress is to think about what you're singing when you're in church, or listening to your music. Don't we get shocked and appalled when little kids say bad words, even though we know they don't mean it? Our words carry a lot of power (insert one of many verses in Proverbs that talks about a sharp tongue and it's power), even to God, who knows more than we tell Him! Think about what you're telling yourself verbally when singing, whether you're listening to secular music or Christian.
Nov 8
Check out this dream I had last night! Insane!
So, I was heading somewhere and on the way, we(I don't remember who else, but a car was moving and I wasn't driving) stopped at a baseball field where there was a team practicing. I don't know why, but I decided I wanted to play some baseball with them, and since they were almost done with practice, I was allowed. I played a little and the coach said I was pretty good, so he "tested" me. First, I was asked to run from home base to "first" (which in real life was third base, I don't know why it was first in the dream). So I did and I ran so fast that it was nearly the world record for the fastest time to first base from home (is there such a thing???). He said I was so good that I should join the team and I had a chance of getting a scholarship to St. Mary's College (I don't know why there, I don't even want to go there!). So I joined the team and they had practice four days a week. I do things nearly every day of the week, so I had to quit everything to be on the team except Sunday church.
On the first game, I was up to bat and I was pumped because I knew could really hit the ball and I knew I could at least get to first. I made several mistakes, however. I hit the ball left-handed (although I knew I was right-handed, even in my dream) and the ball went straight into the air and right above the pitcher. An easy out. I didn't even run, thinking I knew I was out, but he dropped it! I did get out, not because he caught it, but because I waited to run. My coach talked to me afterward, and I was very sad and embarassed because I was the only girl on the team. He said simply that I needed some practice and that he was going to work with me more. So I started doing more practice and on the next game I hit the ball and ran all the way home (but it wasn't a home run, I just hit the ball really hard).
I didn't tell you about my other weaknesses that I knew about even before I got on the team. Both me and the coach knew I couldn't catch. I could throw, but not catch. So I wasn't expected to catch the ball. And that was okay for my team.
Why did I tell you this? I don't know, because the dream was interesting. I don't really have a reason. It was kind of fun, too and if I knew I was really good at something like that, I may quit everything to go do it.
But repeating it back to you made me look at it in a whole new way. And it's crazy how this worked!
First of all, the team is the body of Christ. And me coming with people to watch it was me exploring the religion. I asked to play and see what it was like. I liked it and so I was put to the test and found where I needed improvement and where I already was something a Christian should be naturally (not that I haven't sinned, but that there are things I'm natually good at, like I'm honest naturally, it's not something I need to work on all that hard). Me joining the team was me becoming a Christian and getting a chance to go to heaven. I quit everything to become a Christian (join the team). The first game was the one I failed at and so I messed up with stupid mistakes, like batting with the wrong hand (sinned when I knew it was wrong). Although I was highly disappointed, my coach (God) just said I needed to practice more (study, become more like Christ, etc...) and he was going to help me with it, which was really encouraging. After all the practice, the next game came up (which definitely wasn't the last) and I hit the ball hard enough to be able to get around all the bases (not mess up when tempted). My other weaknesses (spiritual things I'm no good at) were known and I wasn't expected by my coach (God) to perform those tasks.
I think this was a pretty cool dream that was actually very encouraging and surprising. I'm amazed at how, when I first started writing this blog, I didn't see the connections that I saw by the end of writing about the dream. So spirituality is like baseball...kinda.
Oct 28
So, I turned 17 last Wednesday. Someone I know had posted a blog when he turned 30 that listed 30 things about that past year. I thought that was a pretty cool idea, so I'm going to list 17 things about this past year in no particular order. I may end up doing this every year for the rest of my life if I like it enough just because it is such a cool idea. Feel free to take it if you wish.
1. God - I don't know how this couldn't be first, even if it is no particular order. God has in the past year gone from a distant being that I barely know and that I'm not even sure if He loves me to the most influential and incredible thing(being, person, spirit, ???) ever! I wish I could put it in better words. He is so indescribable and I love Him so incredibly much!
2. Famly - Love these people, too, for the most part. They have been the biggest supporters and the biggest obstacles in my life so far, mainly because they have such an impact on me and how I see myself and others.
3. Friends - I actually have some of these this year, who I know love me for who I am and hang out with me because they truly care. This has been a new adventure for me and I am thoroughly enjoying it. Can't wait for another year with my best buds!
4. My Nephews - Although they were a part of my life late in the game, really only being around for the last four months, they have had the most incredible impact on me. I think the best feeling in the world is when they see you for the first time that day and their face lights up like you mean more to them than anything else in the world. They have also taught me patience and what being responsible for someone else is like. I love them so much!!!!
5. Depression - This one is not all that fun. But it is real and a part of my life I can't ignore. I have been more successful in dealing with it this year than any other year of my life so far and because of that, I have been happier and more free to be me.
6. Love - I must love myself before I can be loved by anyone else. This is a hard lesson I have begun to learn. To ask for love in order to feel like you are worthy of love never works. You have to feel worthy of love before you can truly receive and enjoy the love that is being given to you.
7. Joy - Smiles make the world a better place, and even if you have had a bad day, just giving a little joy away can fix your whole mood in a second. Giving joy means getting joy and God is the ultimate Giver of joy.
8. The Internet - I am nearing my first year of having access to the internet from my home...which is a good thing and a bad thing. The internet is highly addicting and will easily suck you in if you're not careful. But it is also a great place for information about almost anything. So I need to limit my internet exposure more than I am because my internet can survive a day without me.
9. Pathway Fellowship - I don't know why I thought of this so far down the last, but this place has been awesome! It is totally my second home! I love the people and the enviornment and even if my life is going wrong, I always feel safe, protected, and loved there beyond measure! Thank you, Pathway peeps!
10. Music - I have found new joy in Christian music as a way to combat depression and I have also quit playing an instrument. It feels like I am dedicating less time to creating music and more to listening to what has already been created. It is always a mood booster and I don't know what I would do without it.
11. School - I survived Junior year and, although I can scarcely believe it, I'm a Senior. Part of me is very happy about that, and part of me is devastated that my last year of youth group is slipping away day by day. I know I need to move on, but it is going to be very hard on me when I finally have to.
12. College - This year, I have decided on a college plan that includes going to ARC for a few year, then going to Wiliam Jessup University for the remainder of my degree that may(or may not) be in youth ministry. This is not a final career choice, but the one that I am most considering right now.
13. My Older Brother - He had talked to me about becoming more dedicated to God while he was in Las Vegas, but it didn't really sink in until he got here. Wow! He has been a great person to reprimand me in Christian love and to tell me when he has noticed me doing better in something that he has reprimanded me in. I don't know where he got what he knows about God, but it is benefiting me a ton right now and I am incredibly grateful for it.
14. My Baptism - Wow! I didn't ever know the impact that getting baptized in front of 200 people has on me, but wow! June 15, 2008 will be a day I never, ever forget!
15. Kristy Kasperik - The most incredible person to work with is Kristy. She is in charge of basically everything that happens with the church that isn't age or group specific, which includes the Good Friday Experience, Drama things, and all music things. I have been able to learn a lot about leadership by being under her leadership for many things and it is always a joy to be able to work underneath her on anything.
16. Wes Ehrhart - A great word for him is wisdom. He is very wise and can get me to think more than anyone else. The reason I have the relationship with God that I do now is mostly through Wes's teaching. He gives new life to the Bible in ways I never knew were possible and things like just asking questions to get the youth group to think has been incredibly helpful, along with the advice I have asked him for in numerous personal things. He is just a great guy with a heart truly set on God.
17. Me - Well, last but not least, is me. I think I have, through the many different people and things listed above have changed in ways that I only want to continue to see happen for the rest of my life. I think this has been an incredibly productive and joyous year for me and for my life. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me next!
